Phobias Archives - Parenting Journals

Ways to Prevent Homesickness When Your Child Goes Away to Camp

Danica Hoppe — Thu, 13 Jul 2017 21:45:09 +0000

By Lisa Pecos Summer camp is where some of our best childhood memories are made. Days are jam-packed full of fun and adventures, yet for some children, this isn’t enough to stop them from feeling homesick. Most children will feel homesick at some point when away at camp, but for some it can turn what’s supposed to be a great time into a source of stress for the child and parent. Thankfully, there are things that you can do to help prevent your child from developing a case of the summer camp blues. Let your child be involved in choosing the camp. By involving them in the selection, you can choose a place that they’ll be excited about and look forward to. A countdown calendar. Get them excited for camp with a countdown calendar. Let your child make the calendar and decorate it with stickers and even pictures of the camp taken from a brochure or website. Come up with a homesickness plan with your child. Together, come up with a list of things your child can do if they feel homesick. Ask your child to come up with ideas, such as reading a book, playing a game, or talking to a counsellor. Avoid talking about how much you’ll miss them. The last thing you want to do is make them feel bad about being away. Sadness is contagious so avoid telling your child how sad you are to see them go or how much you will miss them. Address your child’s worries. The American Camp Association (ACA) recommends addressing your child’s concerns as they come up and helping them apply the principles of knowing the facts and coming up with a plan. They suggest visiting the camp’s website and sharing everything you know about the camp. Practice camp. Arrange a weekend away at a friend’s place and don’t call to talk to your child while they’re away. Instead, send along a couple of letters to be given to your child over the course of the weekend and be sure to keep them upbeat and positive. Remember to praise him/her for being independent during their time away. Stay in touch through letters. Hearing your voice can trigger or worsen homesickness, so instead of calling, write your child letters regularly instead. This is a great way to offer support and stay in touch while still allowing them to be independent. If you do get a tearful call, do your best to remain calm and reassuring. Arrange a buddy. If possible, try to send them the same camp as a friend or relative so they have a buddy to enjoy the experience with. Pre-address and stamp envelopes. Have a stack of self-addressed, stamped envelopes ready to pack with your child’s things so that he/she can write home whenever they like. Pack together. Let your child be involved in the packing and let them pack a favorite toy or book to help make their bunk feel more like home. Making it Easier on You Summer camp can be hard on you as a parent, too. Calls from your homesick child and being apart can tug at your heart strings and make the time apart stressful. To help make it easier, be sure to plan some fun activities for you during this time. Things like going out to dinner, a spa day, or tackling a project at home that you’ve been putting off can help you enjoy this time rather than spend it worrying—at least a little.

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Childhood Fears and Anxiety: What Can Parents Do?

Alex — Mon, 13 Aug 2012 19:59:47 +0000

A certain amount of fear and anxiety is a natural part of life and childhood. It is what drives us to take precautions and to keep ourselves and our families safe. In children, while fear and anxiety are often illogical, they are in many respects an important part of growing up. But in some children these feelings can become excessive, and the effects may actually hinder learning and growth. Where these feelings become problematic is where they are not tied to reality and are persistent. It is normal for a child to have a fear that disturbs her every night for a brief phase, but if the phase does not pass soon and the fear continues for months, it becomes a problem. Meanwhile, if a child is consistently anxious about things that are not worrying or dangerous, this can be a sign of deeper disturbances and a potential for future problems. In such cases, it is usually a good idea for parents to seek professional help for the child. Doctors trained in child psychology know how to handle these things and can offer lots of potential solutions. When is fear normal? In many cases, some fear is normal—for example: • Babies and toddlers tend to experience stranger anxiety and separation anxiety, both of which are natural developmental stages. • Older children are naturally afraid of the dark as well as of things that do not exist, such as monsters and ghosts. • Kids are naturally afraid of real things they hear about in school or on television, such as house fires, natural disasters, and serious crimes. Fears such as these come and go through a child’s upbringing, and they are mostly nothing to worry about. As long as your child is well adjusted and happy and functions well both at home and at school, these fears are perfectly normal. There can even be some fun in them; what child has not delighted in telling ghost stories with friends? Dealing with anxiety Anxiety is another matter. Again, some anxiety is to be expected in people of all ages. We all have things that worry us, whether irrationally or based on actual experience. In healthy people, anxiety can even help shape us in positive ways. But in kids as much as in adults, too much anxiety can become a serious mood disorder. When determining whether your child’s anxiety is normal, first consider whether the behavior fits the stage your child is in. For example, almost all babies are afraid of strangers for at least a brief period in their first or second year. Also understand that your child is likely to have more anxiety around times of transition or instability. If you are moving to a new town, for example, or if your child is starting in a new school, some anxiety is understandable. Anxiety becomes a problem when it inhibits a child’s ability to function normally. If he or she has anxiety attacks at school, if the feelings prevent her from performing her educational activities, or if the anxiety makes her seem unhappy overall, there is good reason for concern. With both fear and anxiety, the most important thing for parents to do is try to understand. Do not belittle or dismiss your child’s feelings. Instead, take them seriously, and talk about the feelings as much as possible. Learn coping strategies and try to pass them on to your child. And if everything you try fails, do not be afraid to seek professional help. By Lisa Pecos

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Amber Alerts – What to Do in Case Your Child Goes Missing

Danica Hoppe — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 17:52:10 +0000

It is one of every parent’s worse nightmares. You take your eye off your child for a minute only to find her gone when you turn around. Or one day he does not get home from school at the normal time. Or she goes outside to play and does not come back in. Scenarios like these are fortunately uncommon, and when they do happen there is usually a good explanation, and it is usually pretty easy to find the temporarily missing child. But what about those very rare cases where the child is not easily found? If this should happen to you, your first instinct may be to panic. Any parent would. But it is important to keep a level head, think rationally, and do what needs to be done. Should the unthinkable happen and you cannot find your child, here is what you need to do. Step 1: Someone who knows the child should be out actively looking while you are going through the first few steps of the process. If you wish to be the one out looking, have someone else go through these steps on your behalf. Ideally, multiple people should be out looking-at least one person on foot around where the child went missing, and at least one other person searching the surrounding area via car. But make sure someone is always at home. Step 2: If there was ever an emergency, this is it. Pick up the phone and dial 911. Do not worry-they will not dismiss you or tell you your case is not an emergency. Calmly inform them of how long your child has been missing, and give them all the relevant information they need. They will likely ask take you through a process that involves a series of questions about your child’s age, appearance, clothing, and last known whereabouts. If you do not feel your call is being treated seriously enough, ask to speak to someone in charge. Step 3: Notify other authorities of the missing child. Your 911 call will get the ball rolling on some crucial aspects of the investigation, and they may tell you that you do not need to call anyone else. But just to cover all bases, call the local police as well as any other police departments whose jurisdiction covers the area where your child went missing. You might also get in touch with the Federal Bureau of Investigation. Each of these resources should have a process for dealing with missing children. Step 4: Notify local media. Many local news sources are always willing to help out in cases like this by sending out alerts and notifying their viewers and readers to be on the lookout. Step 5: Contact organizations devoted to finding missing children. A great place to start is the National Center for Missing and Exploiting Children, and you may be able to locate nonprofits in your area with expertise in helping out in this kind of situation. Step 6: Ask for help from those around you. This is going to be a difficult time for you. And even if your child comes home safely very soon you are likely to suffer frayed nerves for a while. Get in touch with anyone who you think would be able and willing to drop everything and help you. And if you do not have any close friends or family nearby, ask neighbors. In situations like these, most people are willing to lend a hand, even if they do not know you. Step 7: Follow up on everything. If you feel the law enforcement agencies are taking too long to investigate your case or get back to you, do not be afraid to call and visit them multiple times. Meanwhile, keep taking matters into your own hands. Keep searching actively and calling around to anyone who might know something. Do not give up hope. Despite all frightening stories we hear on the news, keep in mind that the vast majority of missing-child cases have happy endings. By Marc Courtiol

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What to Do About a Shy Child

Danica Hoppe — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 19:05:58 +0000

By Jamell Andrews Most children experience some degree of shyness in certain social situations. For example, some young kids are naturally afraid of grownup strangers, and some are shy around kids of the opposite sex. For others, the problem can be more general; they may seem to lag behind their peers in social development, and this may cause them to have trouble making friends, which in turn causes them to fall further behind. If your child falls into this category, there are steps you can take to help her outgrow her shyness. However, it is important to keep in mind that some children are naturally shy by temperament, and it is not necessarily a bad thing. Perhaps your child entertains himself well and is quite content in solitary activities. There is nothing wrong with this. But in any event, it is important for every child to have at least a couple of friends, or else he or she may fall behind socially, and this can lead to lifelong problems. Even if your child is not a social butterfly, some social skills are necessary to get ahead in life. Little thingsOne of the keys to fostering your child’s social skills is to teach her the little things that form the backbone of all polite human interaction. From very early on, you can encourage your child to say hello when she meets someone new. And if she is afraid to speak, teach her to wave. Meanwhile, teaching the basics of good manners-the pleases, thank yous, and so on-will give your child a few simple social tricks to fall back on when shyness kicks in. Being verbalIf you have a shy child, one of the best things you can do to foster increased social skills is to talk to him often. Whenever you are together, make a point of starting a conversation about something that is going on in his life. This should help him develop social skills. But of course, even the shyest children are often quite comfortable around their parents, so make an effort to include your child in conversations involving people outside the family. OrientationFor many people, shyness is at least partially the result of disorientation. When in a situation that they do not quite understand, shy people tend to withdraw even more than normal. Ease your child’s shyness by prepping her beforehand for all social situations you enter. When she is going to meet someone new, talk to her about who the person is and what the person looks like. If the person is nice or has any charming qualities, point this out to your child beforehand. ScriptsAlthough it is nice when children are able to be spontaneous in social situations, some simply do not have the skills or comfort level to interact comfortably with new people. That is why, early in your child’s social development, it is sometimes a good idea to give him scripts. Sometimes you can literally tell him what to say, and sometimes you might simply give cues. For example, if someone asks your child how is summer is going, you might encourage your child to talk about your trip to the beach. With enough repetition, your child should eventually get the hang of things. Do not overdo itIn general, it is not a good idea to try to change a child’s inborn personality. If your son or daughter was born with a moderate degree of shyness, there is no sense in trying to turn him or her into an outgoing person. First of all, it probably will not work. Second, there is no reason to do so. People who are not great socially often thrive in other ways. However, if your child’s shyness is creating real problems at school or in the family, you might want to mention it to your pediatrician or family doctor.

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First Day of School

Eirian — Mon, 02 May 2011 15:47:23 +0000

To overcome the fear of the first day at nursery, playgroup or school is a big step for your child. Talking to your child about it can help them prepare and alleviate some of their fears. They will naturally be anxious of the unknown so explain and describe where they will be going and for how long they will be there. Also create some excitement about the activities they will be involved with. Ask them what they are expecting school to be like and discuss any fears they are holding on to. Reassure that they will be collected by you or another carer at the end of the day. Do not dismiss any fears that seem silly to you. Listen and talk about whatever they might be worrying about. Before school begins it would be a great help to your child to already have experience in some of the learning activities he is likely to be doing at school. Therefore plan ahead with learning at home long before school starts. This should reduce stress at school because they will be able to keep up or excel at their learning. Along with learning activities, role-plays, reading and games at home can all help to prepare your child for school, help them know what to expect and boost their confidence. During the run up to the start of school, have fun with your child by choosing what they will need like bags, uniform or lunch boxes. You could visit the school with your child so they are familiar with where they will be going. Keep talking about school and the routine they will have at school. It is important that by the time your child starts school they need to be able to sit still, wait and listen. For boys this is often a harder skill to maintain because they are generally more physical. Your child needs to be toilet trained for school and have the ability to dress and undress for physical education. When you are preparing your child for their first day at school tell them that the teacher will probably introduce themselves and tell the children about some of the things they will be doing through the year. Maybe the teacher will give the children a chance to tell the rest of the class their name and something about themselves. Tell your child to play close attention to the class rules that the teacher will discuss and if they do not understand something to put their hand up. Also tell your child that although they may already know some of the other children, it is a good chance on the first day to speak to the children they do not know and make new friends. During the first weeks of school make sure you continue to communicate with your child about their day. There may be moments your child says they do not want to go back to school because the initial excitement has dwindled but the nerves are still there. Rather than ask them how their day was, ask specific questions for examples, what book they read, are there any naughty children in the class? Or who did you play with in break time? This is because young children sometimes find it difficult to answer a broad question. If you feel that something is wrong then always talk to their teacher. Once a child settles down at school and begins to enjoy it, it says a great deal about how his parents have raised him to be confident, independent and resilient. By Eirian Hallinan

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We All Have Our Quirks – Rare Phobia

Danica Hoppe — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 21:22:38 +0000

By Sylvia Wells The road to recovery is not always apparent, especially when you don’t realize there is something that requires recovering from. It wasn’t until about a year after my son developed a rare phobia that I finally realized he had a real and serious issue. My son has a fear, or should I say a hatred, of buttons. Yes, you read correct: buttons. The proper term in Koumpounophobia and he’s not alone. There are others and thank goodness for that. Otherwise I never would have known. For a full year his odd quirk was driving me absolutely mad. It made no sense to me whatsoever that my son would refuse to sit at my side if I was wearing any clothing sporting buttons. Sometimes I didn’t even realize I was wearing buttons until he started acting strange and then I would have to change my clothes before he would come near me. His own mother! He was always refusing to hug his Grandmother (a big fan of button-up blouses) good-bye after a visit and treating people with resentment in general who wore buttons on their clothes. It became difficult to correct and cope with his behaviour without becoming extremely frustrated with him. Any buttons on his clothing had to be cut off, and without his knowledge, or else they simply would never get worn. He was livid with his Uncle and Aunt one Christmas for buying him a shirt with buttons on it from the GAP. I think he still holds a grudge against them to this day, four years later! It was as though they had betrayed him or played a cruel and hurtful joke on him. A year had passed and the problem had not gone away. Frustrated, I decided there must be something more to it other than an attitude problem. Lo and behold there were others like him out there. Button Haters. It is a phobia but the poor soles suffering from it do not fear buttons, they hate them and regard them as we would a cockroach or a spider, as a disgusting nuisance. As soon as I sat down with my son and let him know that I finally understood his pain, he breathed a sigh of relief and we began a new chapter in our lives. One in which we spoke openly about his issue and tried home-made cognitive therapies to help him to get used to having buttons around. I so feared how this phobias would affect him later on in life – he can’t exactly go to a job interview in a sweat shirt can he? Will he get married in a track suit? Not my son. With the help of professionals and a wonderful treatment called Neuralistic Programming we are finally on the right path to recovery. Teachers tried to label my son with ADD, completely ignoring the fact that he has a phobia that distracts him from concentrating in class. In fact, one teacher actually rolled her eyes when I told her he had this phobia. There is no kind of general awareness about this phobia and I do admit that it sounds ridiculous to be afraid of buttons. But there are also people out there with other very odd phobias such as a fear of cotton, or of polka dots. I wonder how they are holding up? In researching this phobia I realized that many of its sufferers have been alone in their misery, not knowing that there were others like them. In almost every case, they claim that they hate buttons, they make them want to vomit and that it is only a specific type of button that bothers them. That being the small plastic variety such as the ones found on men’s dress shirts and on so many other articles of clothing. At the end of the day I look upon this journey of ours as something that will bond my son and me forever. I am his hero for allowing him to have his phobia, know that he is not alone, and for helping him find help. My goal is to educate as many people as I can about Koumpounophobia so that the button haters out there will find relief in knowing too that they are not alone. About the Author: Sylvia Wells is an Oakville mother learning to deal with parental curve balls as they come.

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